i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
