I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
