i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
