im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
