Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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