When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Say something about gay babies.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Success! We fucked roommates!
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