Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
