The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
