I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
