xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
