did you get engaged???
Do you still have your period?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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