he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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