I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
