Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
