Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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