Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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