like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
