when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
