She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
