??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
