omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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