He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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