I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
