You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
