Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
