Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry de_feeeeeeeeesh hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(917): View more from New York City

apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'

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(619): View more from California

thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

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(404): View more from Georgia

I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.

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(816): View more from Missouri

you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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(+61): View more from Australia

You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.

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(646): View more from New York

I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend

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(360): View more from Washington

when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants

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