Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
