So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
