I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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