i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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