oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
