i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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