Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
