When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
