Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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