i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
soo... how was my night?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
