this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
