Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
