ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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