I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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