Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
