dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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