her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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