she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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