I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
