The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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