Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
