And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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