does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The best revenge is premature balding
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
