This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
